I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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