It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
