I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
