I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
