I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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