I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
