Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
