I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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