they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
