I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
