So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
