I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
