I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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