I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
