Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I need to sanitize my soul.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
