the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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