I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
