Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
