speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
