Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
