all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
