i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
false alarm, still single
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
