i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
