I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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