I'm gonna have a badass scar
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
