Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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