see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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