btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
