She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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