Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
