His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
he just fucked me for my cheese.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
