its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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