remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
