Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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