Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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