dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
