In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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