No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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