i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
