so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
