dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
