Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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