i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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