he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
