he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
