I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
