oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
