i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
