we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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