Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
