Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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