goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
