sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
