i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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