Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
