were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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