I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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