Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I lost the right to judge tonight
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
