Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
