Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
