its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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