The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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